we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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