im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
