he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Found your dick twin last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
