Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
