Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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