i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
