I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
