saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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