i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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