My hand turned me down
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
