I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
