"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
