i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
