He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
