I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
