Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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