I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
