I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
