can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
