So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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