he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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