He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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