i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
