i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
