Duck Duck Cougar?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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