she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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