Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
