I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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