So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
