If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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