Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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