god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
