Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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