Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
