ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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