Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
