When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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