well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have fence marks all over my body
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
