he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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