Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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