Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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