I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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