I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
