you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
