I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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