they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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