Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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