just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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