if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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