Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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