she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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