I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
