i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
