if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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